Imagine a world where no one understands another’s feelings or hidden emotional motives. The forests will be safer, in my opinion!We need emotional intelligence, as we may pose a danger to ourselves and others if we do not realize the extent of our responsibility for our feelings and behavior.
On any normal day, you may find yourself automatically turning to one friend when feeling angry or upset. Or you may find a manager who, if he is under a lot of pressure, still acts smart and organized without insults or resounding emotions.

This friend and that boss are two examples of emotionally intelligent individuals. Because of these emotional traits, this friend attracts people who need support and understanding. And you see that the manager or leader enhances confidence in the hearts of his subordinates and gives them freedom for creativity and discussion.

Health and psychiatry experts have grouped these traits into what is known as “emotional intelligence.” In order for you, too, to have these features, you must first know what emotional intelligence is and then learn how to develop it and benefit from it practically, socially, and even cognitively.

What is emotional intelligence?

Emotional intelligence is the ability to understand, contain, and evaluate feelings and emotions, and most importantly, to control them. Psychologists suggest that this type of intelligence is acquired through training and habituation, while they also suggest that some of it is an inherent feature of an individual’s character, and they even describe it as more important than cognitive intelligence, or IQ. The value of emotional intelligence is that:

• It promotes individuals understanding and assimilating their feelings first, then controlling them and expressing them in a healthy way.
• It enables them to understand the feelings of others and the reasons that make them respond and act in certain ways.
• Deduce the correct way to deal with these others on a moral and practical level.

Author and psychologist Daniel Goleman suggests five core traits and levels of emotional intelligence that individuals of all intellectual and social levels can develop:

1. Emotional awareness and self-awareness

The first stage of emotional intelligence is your ability to recognize your different emotions and name them. in addition to observing its causes, development, and causes, and then estimating whether these reasons are real or created by your thoughts.
And because your awareness of yourself and your feelings will explain to you the reason for your actions, you will automatically be able to control your feelings and the behaviors that result in a healthy way.

That is, you will be fully aware of the impact of your feelings and behavior on you and those around you, including family members, employees, or co-workers, and thus you can take control of your emotions and control them instead of letting them control you, whether in your thoughts or behavior.

So when you feel angry or frustrated, we will pay attention to the fact that it is not the fault of others around you, whether they are close friends or strangers, so do not vent your anger on them unnecessarily. Even more importantly, you will know why you feel this anger or frustration and return it to its source.
You might be angry because your tire flattened. The result is that you will be late for work, which means a deduction from your pay, a reprimand from the manager, or a delay in handing over work. The truth here is that your anger is not because of the interruption of the framework but rather because of your fear of these results.

This anger will probably drive you to behave inappropriately with others when all of these results that you expect may or may not happen, or even not be that bad. The result is that you spoiled your relationships with others and were late for work!

With your awareness of yourself and your feelings, you will fully realize your strengths and use them to your advantage. You will also know your weaknesses, respect their existence, and work to develop them if possible. And it will help you to encourage and take initiatives and fulfill your practical and social obligations.

Tips for enhancing self-awareness and awareness of feelings

• Pay attention to the stages at which your feelings develop, from just a thought to a feeling, then to a behavior and reaction.
• Write down these feelings and record them in a personal journal to track later.
• Ask for the opinions and help of others in correcting you and making you aware of your thoughts and behavior.
• Pay attention to your reactions and watch the situations that trigger them.
• Practice meditation or isolate yourself to review them and put your finger on their strengths and weaknesses.
• Read about feelings and thoughts and their relationship to human behavior and mental and psychological health.
• Seek guidance and behavioral therapy from professionals, and don’t be shy about striving to improve yourself. It is characteristic of smart people and leaders.

2. Self-control

Just as emotional intelligence is based on awareness of feelings, it also requires managing and correcting them.
Controlling oneself and one’s feelings here does not mean repressing or concealing them, but rather expressing them in the right way, in the right situation, and in the right way.

Those with high levels of emotional intelligence are usually resilient in the face of challenges and difficult situations, whether in their home, street, or work environment, and tend to adapt and adapt until they pass; thus, they excel at managing differences and conflicts by reducing tension and containing the other.

For example, when a dispute or quarrel occurs in the work environment, Emotionally intelligent people do not shout or degrade the manner of speaking, but instead seek to understand and contain the other party’s anger, or avoid the conversation entirely until everyone calms down, or even try to mediate a third party to judge.

Those who possess emotional intelligence also present their thoughts and feelings in an organized manner without insulting or belittling the other, and express their disapproval of any transgression while emphasizing the respect and acceptance of the other parties in any case.

In general, people who are able to control themselves are conscientious and fully aware of their influence on others. They don’t attack them verbally, they don’t rush to make hasty or emotional decisions, they certainly don’t classify people as such, and they don’t compromise their higher values to please them, neither in personal nor professional life.
All of these traits work together to enhance their self-esteem and their sense of responsibility for their actions or those of others.

Tips for boosting self-control

• Identify your ultimate values that define who you are and that you don’t expect to compromise under any pressure or reason, and then stick to them.
• Take responsibility for your actions, decisions, and even your choices and the consequences that follow from them, and do not blame others to comfort yourself.
• Watch your actions well in any difficult situation, and be very careful not to take out your anger or resentment on others.
• Practice the skills of communicating well with others; be a good listener to their messages and ideas; and open your chest to accept them.
• Accept your weaknesses as you work to change them. Remember, continuous practice is the only way to improve this weakness.
• Always avoid clashes, especially during heated arguments or disagreements. A person needs at least 20 minutes to calm down and have his anger go away a bit, so if you can ask those around you to continue the discussion shortly, do so.

3. Social skills and awareness of others

Empathy for others, kindness and compassion for those who deserve it, such as the weak, animals, children, strangers, and, of course, your inner circle… these are the cornerstones of emotional intelligence, without which one is not fully emotionally intelligent.

Your ability to be aware of others (their feelings, behaviors, and needs) establishes and strengthens your relationships with them because people tend to believe them and respond to their emotions because it’s a very sensitive and personal thing.

Emotional intelligence here goes beyond mere understanding of your feelings and the feelings and needs of others; you must communicate and interact with them according to these feelings and needs.
For example, when you know that a friend is feeling lonely or afraid, it is not enough to show your understanding and respect for these feelings. Emotional intelligence here is to achieve presence, intimacy, and support for him to overcome them.

The fact that the relationship that binds you with others is a work relationship or something else does not mean that you do not show sympathy and understanding in the event that they go through a situation of weakness or error.
This response is called empathy, which we will detail in point four of the five traits and components of emotional intelligence.

With practice, you will be able to pick up on and appreciate the emotional cues others are giving you, even if they are unconscious. And you will know the value and strength of dynamic relationships in societies or companies, and certainly it is your duty to activate and develop these relationships continuously through effective listening skills, verbal communication skills, gestures, persuasion, and others.

Finally, when effective communication becomes your first language, you will notice a positive impact on your relationships with those around you: you will understand them and about them without mistrust or abuse, and most importantly, you will influence them and give them room to trust you, your company, and work with you.

Tips for developing social skills and awareness of others

• Practice active listening by keeping your eyes focused on the speaker and expressing your follow-up with gestures and words of encouragement to continue. Avoid interruption and distraction from others or inanimate objects such as phones or screens.
• Offer words of praise, praise, and thanks to others without shame or embarrassment, and show your gratitude for their services to you and praise their performance and volunteers.
• Learn conflict resolution and problem-solving skills. Remember that the goal is not always to prove you are right but rather to solve challenges and achieve peace.
• Accept criticism and advice. Others usually do not mean a direct insult, but rather pure advice.In any case, let your chest be open to criticism as long as it is constructive and respectful.

4. Empathy and Relationship Management

Awareness of others and social skills are two of the most important traits of emotional intelligence and are part of its definition. Therefore, managing relationships is a must-have skill. With it, you can create, document, and sustain valuable relationships with other members of your family, friends, and co-workers without confusion or difficulty.
The most important mechanism for managing these relationships is empathy. Empathy is the ability to understand and appreciate the feelings of others and to respond according to these feelings.

As we explained in one of the previous examples, for a friend who feels lonely, it is not enough for you to show your respect and understanding of this loneliness, but rather to seek to help him overcome it by providing support, assistance, and sociability.

This empathy is what separates an emotionally intelligent person from the average person. Empathy is a big part of our human character and activity, and the more a person empathizes with those around him, the more they love and trust him.

Your compassion helps you understand the impact you have on others and the relationships you are involved in, whether personal or professional. It is a necessary component of directing your feelings and interactions with and toward others. When you know that someone has experienced a loss or bereavement, you will empathize with them and share their feelings with supportive words, kind gestures, and more.

Tips for practicing the skill of empathy with others

• Put yourself in the place of others to understand their situation and their feelings, and to understand things from their point of view.
• Respect their feelings, because that is the foundation on which they base their attitudes and actions. Respect her even if you don’t think it’s necessary in these situations.
• Find ways to be kind to others in good and bad times.
• Respond to other people’s feelings, such as anger, frustration, and distress, and express your respect and appreciation for these feelings and that you appreciate their suffering.
• Refraining from taking out your anger or rage on others is a form of empathy, even if, in your view, they deserve such treatment. However, empathizing with them will enable you to make excuses and try to pass on the situation (or situations) that are bothering you.

5. Self-motivation

Self-motivation is one of the emotional intelligence skills that many emotionally intelligent people practice in their lives.

A person with emotional intelligence does not need an external stimulus or motivation to do what he has to do or to achieve his goals, whether in his work or in his private life. His goals are usually linked to him and his self-esteem and the values that he adopts, not to others or to what is imposed by custom and tradition.
That is, he is not affected or attracted by pneumatic goals such as fame, wealth, notoriety, competition, etc. Rather, he is driven by passion and the search for experiences that refine his knowledge and self, and in this he adheres to his standards and values that he embraces and set his path.

Tips for boosting self-motivation

• Practice setting small, measurable personal goals and celebrating when you achieve them.
• Try new personal challenges so you don’t get bored or frustrated.
• Try working with someone you trust to achieve a goal, and this will help you stick with it.
• Celebrate small successes.
• Be optimistic and practice positivity in every situation; don’t let stress bring out the worst in you. Instead, let it motivate you to come up with solutions to adapt and make the most of any critical situation.

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Read also: How do you develop your emotional intelligence?